Never say never!

It's taken me 10 days to gather my thoughts and reflect on completing the Sydney Marathon. This is mostly because I truly believed that this was going to be my last 'longer' race ever! For those of you who have followed my journey, or know me personally, you will know how much of a toll marathon training has taken on my body with ongoing injuries and pain. This has resulted in me losing my running mojo and battling mental demons. I just wanted to complete the Sydney Marathon before it becomes a ballot entry major, and prove that having my spine fused in 2021 wasn't going to hold me back.

I had anticipated that this write up would be a heroic tale where I ran as much of the marathon as I could then battled through every painstaking step to get to the finish line in the slowest time ever for me. I invisinged lots of tears and sobbing once I crossed the line. Don't get me wrong, I was at peace with that thought and had come to terms with my new normal. My initial hopes of training for a sub 4:30 finish were scrapped in favour of just getting round and raising the much needed funds for the amazing charity I was supporting (The Debbie Gaunt Foundation). Even on the morning of the race my watch was set for 5hrs in the hope that I could hold that pace as long as I could. Instead, I find myself reflecting on a pretty non-eventful jolly little amble around the sights of Sydney. So let me begin....

If I could decsribe myself in 3 words organised has always been one of the words I would choose. I can't claim to be as organised as I used to be (thanks perimenopausal brain), but I have done enough races to know what to do in preparation and what to bring on the day. I was heading down to Sydney on the train on Saturday then staying overnight before meeting my family at the finish to head back. So there I am lining up in a queue with hundreds of people at the ICC on Saturday to collect my race number with enough equipment, spares and 'just in case' items to run a 100miler! I had shared my race number so people could track me and had a drop bag packed that even included a hooded towel to change under once finished.

It seemed like everyone had come to collect their number on Saturday as I stood in this queue with 2 bags for 2 hours. Once I had reached number collection I was told they couldn't find my number and then my carefully packed drop bag had to be transferred into a much smaller mesh race bag that meant making some pretty tricky eviction choices. This wasn't the best of starts but I wasn't stressed about this because nothing was going to ruin my weekend and possibly my last marathon ever.

After grabbing a quick bite to eat in the city I made my way over to The North Shore hotel, which turned out to be adjacent to my start pen (bonus). The hotel was basic and had no breakfast facilities but it didn't matter becuase organised is my middle name and as I literally had to walk over the road to the start I could have a lie-in until 4:30 and enjoy my breakfast at a leisurely pace.

Experience has taught me that getting everything prepared the night before a race saves a lot of time in the morning when you are trying to wake up. Therefore, I continued my overprepared theme by taping my feet and knees to add additional support, filling up my drinks bottles, packing my race pack (salt tabs, electrolytes, waterproof, gloves, peanut M&Ms, bodyglide, plasters, painkillers, extra K-tape, blister plasters and emergency headphones and notes from the kids in case things got really tough), and laying out my clothes and breakfast. As is expected the night before a big race I slept terribly, but again, I knew this was normal so didn't worry.

I was awake before my alarm so did all the last bits of prep before eating, getting dressed and packing my overnight bag to leave at the hotel. I was so happy with the charity T-shirts that I snapped a picture of myself in the room to send to my hubby at 5am. I just remember being so keen to get going and never have to do another marathon again.

It was a chilly morning with temperatures starting at 7 degrees, which I think shocked quite a few of the runners. Rain and heavy winds were forecast so I was prepared for being out on the course in rain too. There were lots of people in singlets and shorts just shivering for the 45mins we were in the holding pen, but I had a mens fleece shirt ready to ditch at the start line so I was really cosy. The toilet queues weren't too bad and I managed to bag a relatively clean one as well, which left me in a positive mood because a clean toilet in the past has generally meant a good race for me ?!?Moving onto the road for the start happened really suddenly and within 5 minutes we were walking down Miller Street towards the start line, which I crossed at 6:33am.

I remember thinking this is it, you've just got to keep going you can do this! Taking the pressure of a finish time off the table meant that I could really focus on enjoying the run. This meant taking time to observe my surroundings, take pictures and run on feel not pace. As expected, the event was incredibly well organised with aid stations, km markers, timing mats and toilets along the route. It wasn't long before my watch started buzzing with messaged from people who were up at a ridiculous time on a Sunday morning following me. Knowing that I was being tracked added an extra level of determination to my day and the constant messages of support were just fantastic!

As you can imagine there are a lot of things to observe and remember from over 4 hours of running, so at the danger of losing readers at this stage I will just summarise my highlights.

*Running in the middle of the road over the Sydney Harbour Bridge at km2 knowing that this is such a unique way of viewing the bridge and not feeling guilty about taking the time to stop and photograph it.

*Reaching 5km and thinking how quickly that went.

*Turning the corner to run under the Harbour Bridge then seeing the Opera House basking in sunlight straight ahead.

*Needing the toilet at around 15km and actually queuing to go and not stressing about how much time I was wasting.

*Getting goosebumps running past a DJ blasting out dance tunes before 8am.

*Heading towards 20km and being aware that I was nearly half way and my body didn't feel nearly as bad as it has done on previous 2 hr runs.

*Walking up hills to eat peanut M&Ms and really enjoying the taste of them.

*Getting to the half way point and realising that I was actually under 4:30 pace.

*Being tapped on the back by a man who said my charity shirt was the best one he's seen all day. The charity slogan 'Her Mind Matters' was plastered across my lower back.

*Seeing a Japanese man in the 80-89 category in the World Age group championships looking far too fresh.

*Receiving regular updates on my progress via text from a running buddy who was sending me screen captures of my splits but I couldn't see them.

*Telling myself that I had run 30km in training so I will get to that point and see how I feel.

*At 30km thinking I'm still mostly running so I'll just get to 35km and see how I feel.

*At 35km thinking I'm still moving well (in a lot of pain), so I'll just get to 40km and see how I feel.

*Receiving a text from my Hubby telling me where they will be near the finish.

*Being surprised at how hilly the Botanical gardens were in the last few kms. By this stage a lot of people were walking and stopping suddenly so this was quite hard to navigate.

*Being notified by my watch that I had reached marathon distance at 4:18:07. Either my watch/the course were out distance wise, or I managed to cover more than marathon distance.

*Coming out of The Botanical gardens and just scanning the street for my family and Craig & Hayley Gaunt from the charity.

*The crowds deepening indicating the last stages of the race.

*Hearing my name and spotting Craig and Hayley waving at me and telling me not to stop.

*Seeing my husband, daughter her boyfriends and best friend at the side of the road ready to give me a big hug.

*feeling emotional when I left my family and heading towards the final few hundred metres.

*Registering how stunning the finish line was and feeling the urge to film it!

*Crossing arguably one of the best finish lines in the world and thinking why did I make so much fuss, I'm OK. Nothing is broken. I'm still able to walk, it's not even raining yet and thank goodness it's over!

Amazingly my pace stayed consistent throughout the whole event. with my final official time being 4:26:17 and under the 4:30 I had originally planned on aiming for. I truly believe that if your mind is strong your body is capable of achieving great things. Having come from a place of enforced rest after my operation and struggling to cover 5km two and a half years ago with crippling perimenopause symptoms, I am so grateful to have a strong mind and body, (coupled with a lot of experience), to see me through. Thank you to two of my biggest supporters for your words of wisdom that kept me mentally strong on the day.... my good friend Hazel from the UK who has been my wingman in previous running events always told me that no matter what happens I'll always have a marathon in my legs. And to my husband Rik, who has seen lots of low points in the build up to the race, but continued to believe that I could do it. He made a very good point when he said that everytime my body has hurt after a run it has always recovered so no matter how much it hurts on race day it will improve!

Finally, thank you to everyone who offered words of encouragement or sponsored me to help raise funds for the Debbie Gaunt Foundation. I have raised $1540 but there's still an opportunity to add to this is you want to make a difference to women in perimenopause or menopause who are struggling with mental health symptoms and aren't being heard.

https://run.gofundraise.com.au/page/Karen-43219796

The charity is helping to fund a training programme through Monash University for GPs and other healthcare professionals to recognise the links between poor mental health and mid life hormone changes where often anti-depressants have a worse effect on symptoms.Craig and Hayley, keep fighting to spread the message and to keep Debbie's legacy going you are doing such amazing things for a small charity!

Meanwhile never say never again as I'm off to find my next race as there's life in this old perimenopausal dog yet :-)